Gold Ole' Southern Security Guardin'

*Blog*

First thing's first -- this blog has made more comebacks than Magic Johnson. And apparently people have been finding it by accident on the net while doing other searches. I got a call from an old co-worker about 2:30 this morning, Mr. Louis David, who stumbled across it trying to find some stuff about another T.V. station. Told me how much he liked it, and asked me how often do I update it. I said, "Not too regular anymore", and he was like, "Oh". So, for Louis, Lindsey who's still checking up in Dallas, and Veronica Mosgrove who no longer talks to me -- here's another comebacks. Don't know how long this one will last but here goes nothing. Enjoy.

A lot has happened since I last blogged. I saw "Akeehla and the Bee", through no fault of my own. But it was an educational experience, because I realized that you can't kill yourself by simply holding your breath for long periods of time. Don't ask me how I know this, just trust me. But on a happier note, Mr. Fields and Ms. Ramsey are officially engaged. I know, I know, women all over the United States will probably start drinking the "Jim Jones" kool-aid now, but I had to do it. She's too good of a woman to let go, and I promised not to turn her into a life-long girlfriend. She deserves it.

Just for shit's, giggles, and educational purposes, I really need to get a bottle of that "Tag" body spray.

The ants in my neighborhood are mexican. Hear me out. Washed my car one day around 12 and didn't see anything in my yard. Went in the house and came back out a couple of hours later to find several well constructed ant mounds. I was like, "What in the hell?" And I came to the conclusion that they were Mexican. Because only a Mexican can build something that fast, that sturdy.

Ok, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie -- (I refuse to call the Brangelina, but I guess I just did.) are officially getting on my nerves. I get entertainment weekly, and I promise you there was an article in every single issue about the two. If not them, damn Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anniston. Enough already. Who really gives a shit. And the thing that tops everything is the fact that some assholes just paid Brad and Angie 4-million dollars for pictures of their kid. What in the hell? The world is going crazy.

News topic:

What in the hell has been up with all the stabbings in our area? Someone has gotted "sliced" damn near every day for the last month. Baton Rouge is slowly turning into the club scene near the end of the "Kill Bill: Vol 1". Just crazy.

"Silly Rabbit, tricks are for kids...."

Apparently, Dengle, Socks McDunnah, and the Stephanies (Duhon and Moffet) has been replaced by The Mute.

According to Niccy:

Niccy: "White people can't dance so we're going to play cheesy 80's music at our wedding."

And I didn't even make that one up. That's all Niccy.

Random T.V. quote:

"Ghost Dad is the greatest movie I've seen since Leonard Part 6!"

Security guard bob has been replaced by security guard james, and there's one thing that I learned. No matter who's security guardin', the all complain about hours and hate their road supervisor. I know this because they all open up to me like a poor man's barbara walters. But sadly enough, old S-G Bob is no longer with us. Them man who's had more "blog hits" than Dengle, is no longer with us. So in honor of old S-G Bob, I compiled a list of the "Greatest S-G Bob Moments" from the last year. Here goes nothing.

5. The Riff Raff

4/19/06

Bob: "Were you here last week when he had all that riff-raff?"
Terry: "No."
Bob: "Well, some lady showed up demanding that we put her on air. We asked her to leave but she said she wasn't going anywhere until we put her on the air. So I told her, Ma'am, you're on private property and you have to leave. She refused again, so I told her, you can either leave on your own accord, or I can call the cops and have them carry your ass outta here. So she said, "What's your name". I said, "Bob Jones." And then she asks, "You gotta badge?" I said, "No, but I gotta gu-un!"
Terry: (can't stop laughing)

4. Bathroom Talk

5/3/06

Why is it that people try to talk to you while you're in the bathroom, "doing your business". I was in the bathroom this morning standing in a stall, "doing my business", when Security Bob comes in ...

(Door opens)
TF: (Under his breath) "shit."
SG: "AAAAAAYYYYY"
TF: "Hey Bob."
SG: "How ya doing?"
TF: (can't "go" anymore) "Fine. You?"
SG: "Okay for a Tuesday!"
(Terry walks over and washes hands and notices Bob's peach sitting on the sink.)

3. "Is That Greg?

1/30/06

"Actual morning exchange while Security Guard Bob was standing by Whitney's desk:

SGB: "Is that Greg Meriwhether?"
TF: "No."
SGB: "Well he looks like him."

2. The Vagrant.

4/6/06

SGB: "We got a vagrant living on the premises Terry."
TF: "Really?"
SGB: "Yeah ole' Pallas told us about it Yesterday. She says that someone noticed a cardboard box and a tent set up out by the Heli-pad, and she wanted us to check it out tonight."
TF:"Really?"
SGB: "Yep. So I'm gonna go down there and check it out. Before I go I'm gonna need your cell phone number, just in case. If you hear gun shots call the cops."
TF: "Really?"
(he left and came back at 3:30am)
SGB: "i'm on my way out there. Oh yeah, and if I ain't back by 4, you call the cops."
TF: "okay."

1. The snake incident of 9/28. This got me more emails than anything I ever blogged.

9/28/06

"You know, people might wonder how I work on this shift, working these ungodly hours but it's not that bad. First off, I can't work in the day -- too many people, too many spoons in the pot stirring in too many different directions -- can't do it. Secondly, you never know what you're gonna see at night. Now for the most part, it's pretty dull, but once, just every once in a while, something happens that can't be explained; just crazy, funny, or weird -- sometimes all at the same time. Case in point, this morning around 4am, I was at my desk typing away when (WX) Dave walks in and says, "Hey guys, there's a snake in the weather office." So me and (SG) Bob walked in and sure enough, there he was, a "brown rattler" curled up in the weather office. So Bob took one of the golf clubs that were in there and proceeded to murder the poor reptile while Dave and I snapped pictures with our cell phones. Now to add insult to .... err .... murder, Bob took the snakes body to the back and dropped it down in the cage with the raccoon, who then decided to eat the snake. All of this happened over a five minute span. Now you might still say, "why work that shift" and I'll say, "why not?" You never know what you're gonna see. I got to see a middle aged security guard beat down a baby rattle snake with a "3-wood" at 4 in the morning. You just never know."

Just my .02, take it or leave it.