The Path of the Righteous Man...

*Blog*

Okay, I've been watching this show on "Univision" every morning at 4am, "Primer Impacto" .... for obvious reasons ... and let me tell you this, it's a cross between CNN's "Student News" and "Kid's Incorporated" (highly popular sindicated 80's kid show). Seriously. Speaking of which, does anyone realize that the 80's were three decades ago?

I really don't think it's a coincidence that this place highly resembles a mosileum. And what's so bad is that I don't even have to elaborate on that comment.

Looks like Ole' Willie Nagin has made it into the runoff for New Orleans Mayor against Mitch Landrieu. I drove through N.O. the other day and noticed Ump-Loompas putting up campaign signs everywhere. Also, there's been talks of Nagin putting a Chocolate fountain in front of city hall if he wins. We'll have to wait and see.

Random Observation:

Apparently, Marsh, Andrea, and Sylvia are the only ones "Getting Answers", that is if you go from the "Getting Answers" promos I've seen. But I do have an idea, since no one else, "Get's Answers", I'm gonna change every story in my newscast to a question, so the people working in the evening, can "answer" them. Here's an example:

[Anchor:TODD]
{ Todd }
Is the early voting in new orleans in just two weeks?
Will early voting for the new orleans mayoral race runoff finally begin for evacuvees living here in baton rouge?
[TAKE VO]
{***VO***}
Exactly what does Secretary of State, Al Ater, seen here in this video, think?
What does Ater plan to do different, if anything in the runoff?
Will there be early voting this time around and if so, where can you vote?
Who even won the elections?
[TAKE: ON CAM TAG]
{***ON CAM TAG***}
Well if you want answers to these questions, News Two's Michael Marsh, Andrea Clesi, and Sylvia Weatherspoon will have them for you, as well as answers to the GMAT, GRE, ACT's, and cheat codes to Final Fantasy 10.

(And then they'll come on at five, six, and ten and read the story like normal. It could work. I'll get right on it.)

Todd's been running his "Dangerous Levees" packages this week. Good stuff I guess, but the thing that gets me is how everyone he interviews in his package acts like they're so surprised when they see the conditions of the levees that didn't give. Okay, now I can't be the only one scratching his head at the fact that, didn't they know the levees were "jacked" up already? Why is everyone acting so surprised? Every year since the early 60's, it's been the same song and dance every year, "If a hurricane makes it into the gulf, and hit New Orleans at the right angle, it's going to be a disaster." Every single year, 40 years, the same thing, until it actually happened, and now, everyone's acting as if they had no idea. I'll never understand.

Probably had one of the worst shows I've ever produced this (4/27/06) morning. Didn't look bad on "AIR" but lets just say that this was the first show since I've been producing that I've ever actually been upset afterwards. Everyone wanting me to cram shit in, no one (but weather Dave) listening to time cues, and people not paying attention. It absolutely sucked to the point where I didn't want to talk to anyone after the show. I hate people sometimes.

White elephant in the room:

Well, my good buddy and fellow blogger, Rick Portier no longer works at the Hindenberg ....eh...WBRZ. I've heard several different scenarios that led to Rick's departure, but they all have the same ending and that is, with Rick no longer working here. So out of respect for Rick, I won't go into details of what I've heard here in "Los Bloges". I only want to use this space to wish Mr. Turdpolisher and his family all the best of luck. Thanks for all of your help man and remember when one door closes three doors open -- you'll land on your feet. But before I go, let me leave you with a quote from my all-time favorite film:

"There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. Now I'm thinkin': it could mean you're the evil man. And I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could be you're the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. I'd like that. But that shit ain't the truth. The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd."

Take it easy man. Just my .02, take it or leave it.

The Doors of the Church Are Open

(Tried to post this yesterday (4/18), but every computer I tried to get on told me no. So I tried today...enjoy.)

*Blog*

(Today's Blog is brought to you by "Peeps", now on sale at a Walmart near you, 10 packs for a Dollar)

Well, I hope everyone had a good Easter. Hope you had lots-o-eggs-candy-cakes-and-pies. Mine was okay, except for the fact that the black beast was in the shop the entire time I was off. Just got it back yesterday, and lets just say, payday can't come soon enough. To make a long story short let me just say this, it's not good to start adding "power adders" to your vehicle without upgrading everything around the car -- like for instance, motor mounts. I was told that too much torque sent my motor mounts straight to hell. That was fun. Mechanic even made fun of me. Good times all around eh?

Okay, let me go on record as saying I hate the "Discount Flooring Direct" kids. Seriously. It's nothing personal, except for the fact that the commercial is on more than Michael Marsh. I mean good God. I swear I checked my voicemail yesterday and that little kid at the end left a message on my phone: "Oh yeaaaah...." Damnit.

Random T.V. Commercial:

"To find out if your pacemaker or defibrillator are on the recall list, call attorney Robert Goldwater!" Okay, well, what if it's too late and you're already dead? Can someone else call for you? Can someone find this out? Can someone, you know, "get answers?"

People from Kenya should be banned from all marathons. I honestly don't know why other people even enter.

Actual conversation between me and Security Guard Bob:

Bob: "Were you here last week when he had all that riff-raff?"
Terry: "No."
Bob: "Well, some lady showed up demanding that we put her on air. We asked her to leave but she said she wasn't going anywhere until we put her on the air. So I told her, Ma'am, you're on private property and you have to leave. She refused again, so I told her, you can either leave on your own accord, or I can call the cops and have them carry your ass outta here. So she said, "What's your name". I said, "Bob Jones." And then she asks, "You gotta badge?" I said, "No, but I gotta gu-un!"
Terry: (can't stop laughing)

You see, working overnights aren't so bad.

Random Newsroom Comment:

Todd: "I'm here to tell you that if another hurricane makes it into the gulf, Governor Blanco will activate the entire national guard, and evacuate the entire state."

Hey I have an idea. We could have the little kid from the "Discount Flooring Direct" commercial co-anchor with MM. Ratings? THROUGH THE ROOF!! Marsh can read the stories like normal, but at the end of every block, just before the break, the little kid will go, "Oh yeaaahhh!!!" Make it happen.

Okay, Michael Chertoff looks like "Fire Marshal Bill".

I'm pretty sure I can't be the only one that noticed that the same family who ended up shipwrecked on a desert island while enroute to New Guinea, coincidentally ended up on a farm in the midwest just three years later before eventually shooting their dog , Old Yeller. Just thought I should mention this.

Back to my weekend. Me and the Mrs. were "churchin'" it up for most of the day Sunday and, while we were getting our "pray on", I noticed several things while visiting the the two churches.
Faces: Contrary to what everyone believes, not everyone in church wants to be there. With the exception of a couple of "Holy Rollers" and the old folks, most people were in church because someone dragged them. Now you may say, "hey Terry, how can you prove this theory?" Well, that's easy. The next time you go to service, pay attention to faces; men and children. While sitting at these two church services on Sunday, I saw looks on people's faces that could only be compared to those seen at P.O.W. Camps in those black and white pictures we see on The History Channel. Crazy.

Clothes: Clothes, clothes, clothes. Good God. I've never seen so much fixed hair and "store creases" before in my life. I thought I was in a church full of mannequins. Somtetimes I think the meaning of Easter and Christmas get's lost in between Dillards and Foleys.

Church Members: I don't know what it is, but people who for some reason, stop coming to church, decide to join back on Easter Sunday. Why? I have no earthly idea, but I don't know if it's all the pastors basically telling everyone, "if you're not a member of my church, you're going to hell", doing it or not. Or maybe it's that famous line after the "Morning Message" that makes the "backsliders" join; "The Doors of the church are open", followed by ushers walking to where the people who haven't been seen in church since last Easter Sunday are sitting and start pulling them up to the front. Who knows, but this is the one holiday, where you will actually find a church packed to capacity, and most times a little bit over capacity.

People: Somebody once said that you can find more "sinful" people in a church than you can find on a street corner, and you know what, who ever said that was absolutely right. On any given sunday, you'll find some of the worst people in the community sitting in church, smiling, shaking hands, and kissing babies. And for those who aren't "out there", a great majority of the people in church, knows all their business, and usually talks about it the entire service with the person sitting next to them. I have yet to meet one person who doesn't know something horrible about someone sitting in church every Sunday.

Going to church won't get you to Heaven any quicker than not going will send you to Hell. It's all in the person and their relationship with God. Agree or disagree, just my .02, take it or leave it.

(Peeps on sale, 10 packs for a dollar!)

Let's Catch Some Crocs...

Things Heard On the Scanners

2:10am
Lady called 9-11 because she says her neighbor is performing "witchcraft" on her. I don't even have a comment.

2:12
Someone ran over a girl's leg at J-I-B -- on Choctaw and Airline. If someone said land-mines went off or Zacarias Moussaoui was selling surface to air missiles in the parking lot of that J-I-B, I wouldn't even bat an eyelash.

*Blog*

If this place was the movie "Titanic", which part of the movie would we be in right now? Would the ship be taking on water while the band plays on, or will Carisma and I be floating down the mississippi laying on top of the big door?

Don't remember if I mentioned this or not in previous editions of "Los Bloges", but I saw the most disturbing commercial I'd ever seen this morning -- an advertisement for "Guys Gone Wild". And what's so crazy is, I'm not even making this up. Now we've all seen the GGW commercials for years, but this new shit features everything in Girls-GW, but only guys. Okay, now excuse me while I go poor bleach in both eyes.

Why is it, that when I'm out in public, people ask me for the strangest things. Now when i say people, I mean, the residency-challenged. But last week, when I made my once-a-weekly drive down to the Highland road Circle K, I got out of the black beast and heard someone call me. Some girl, probably in her late 20's or early 30's, called me to her car. The exchange went like this:

Girl: "Hey boy, come here."
TF: "What?"
(She holds up one of those "Jack Daniels" alcoholic lemonades)
Girl: "Can you buy me another one of these?"
TF: "Ah, all I have is my check card."
(I walk in the store, get my stuff and walk out)
Girl: "Hey, can you buy me one of these? Oh, I asked you already didn't I? (looks at my bags) I thought you didn't have any money?"
TF: "I told you all I had was my check card."
Girl: "Oh, well, give me a dollar."
TF: "No."

Joke Niccy found on the net:

"Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records."

Conversation between Niccy and I:

Niccy: "God, I have the worst stomach ache."
Terry: (in my Ah-nald voice) "It might be a tu-mah."
Niccy: "No, it were those three rubber jelly beans I ate."

Questions for news two's Michael Marsh, who's getting me answers:

1. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
2. Why does the word "lisp" have an "s" and a "p" in it?
3. Do all dogs really go to heaven?

New Fun Game:

While sitting in the control room during 2une In, I had what alcoholics refer to as "a moment of clarity", or my daily "M-O-C", and I came up with a new game called, "Make The Anchors Stumble". In my nearly five years of producing, I've found that anchors hate pronouncing long words. I mean, I've written a script and I've had anchors do everything from put another word in place, to skip over the particular word all together. So fellow producers, in light of this, I realized the way to get your favorite anchor to read your "make me sound smart" big word, and coincidentally stumble, is to bury it in the middle of a long script. So producers, try this, next time you're in the middle of writing a long script, just randomly throw in these lines:

"....and Christopher's chrysanthemum was persuasively perverted."
"....and the conflicting conclusions were inconclusive."
"....the jell-o pudding pops were pleasingly pleasurable"
"...osteo-preposterous"
"....balloon sinu-plasty."

If you're bored, working at another station because of a hurricane, or it's your last day, go ahead, have some fun. Now I'm not saying that I've tried this or know anyone who has. I'm just throwing out suggestions.

If Paul and Niccy ever decided to have a kid, I swear that kid would come out a cross between "Tweet" on "South Park" and the "Tasmanian Devil". And that wasn't even a joke, that was just an observation.

Random Control Room comments:

"The people on HGTV have more money invested in their yards, than I have in my whole house. "I think I'll ad some new shrubs, let's spend 70-thousand dollars."

"The stars at night, are big and bright, deep in the heart of taxes."

"I think now that I have a more flexible work schedule, I'll go to Pennington and get in one of those programs, earn some extra cash. They got programs that pay you if you're fat or something. Give you some pills to see how you react. Give you some X, see what it does to you."

"That's hard hobbit to break."

"This is payday, nobody has any money."
"But you're in the high paying T.V. industry."

"We really need some rain for the easter weekend. Kids can't have an easter egg hunt because it's so damn hot. They'll go outside and start spontaneously combusting looking for the eggs."

Random Commercial Spot Opening Line that we've been running:

"Can you hear, but you can't understand?"

Well, trappers have finally caught the gator that's been "terrorizing" the LSU lakes. Yeah, they say although it hadn't hurt anyone, it was too big and when they caught it, they have to kill it. Now, coincidentally, out friend was feeling somewhat frisky, and decided to crawl out of the lake, into someone's yard. So wildlife and fisheries called in a trapper and that was that. Now we have about 40 to 50 pounds of tail meat from the 200-plus pound gator, about three leather jackets, and some really nice boots. But who did they call and why didn't we have a camera out there? I could've went something like this:

(throw up: "exclusive only on News Two super and leave it up the whole time)

TR: "Good morning everyone, I'm Todd Ross and we're live at the LSU lakes for this very special edition of 2une In. And for weeks, people living on are around the lakes have reported seeing an alligator. Witness accounts put the reptile from 6 to 20 feet long, and between 250 and 2,000 pounds. So in an effort to trap and destroy the gator, officials with Louisiana Wildlife and Fisheries brought in the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Erwin. Good Morning Steve."
SE: "Mornin' Todd! Got real good Croc-huntin' weather down here in south Louisiana aye?"
TR: "Ah, yeah, I tell my wife that all the time. Now just a couple of questions Steve. First off, you're known throughout as the crocodile hunter, but right now, you're hunting an alligator. Do you think that will cause any problems?"
SE: "I'd say no Todd. As long as I can get close enough to the little bugger to jam my thumb up his butthole, we should be fine."
TR: "Okay, that's good Steve. Now, do you think that the alligators are a problem here in south Louisiana?"
SE: "No, Todd."
TR: "Okay, Steve, so what are you gonna do today."
SE: "Well Todd, we're gonna catch some of these king crocs you got runnin' around down here."
TR: "Great, so let's get started."
SE:"Now what I'm gonna do today is look in all the usual places for that pesky reptile. And when we find him, I'm gonna sneak up on him and jam my thumb up his but-hole -- see can I piss-em off...."
(he starts walking around)
SE: "Wait a minute, what that ova there...."
TR: "Do you see him?"
SE: "No, but i see a very large pile of south Louisiana fire ants! Let come over here and stir em' up, see can I piss em' off a little."
(he grabs a stick and starts poking at the mound, and the ants start coming out."
SE: "Ah, there ya go. Look at that. Just beautiful -- look at the little critters go!"
TR: "Remember folks, this is exclusive, you'll only see this on news two!"
(Steve just takes off running and just dives in the lakes)
SE: "Aye!! There he goes, that goddamn king croc over there! Cry-kee!! Look at the size of em!"
(He wrestles with the alligator a few minutes and then both he and the alligator go under water.)
TR: "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, both Steve and the gator have went underwater! They are both underwater! Are we getting this? I hope you're seeing this at home! I think he's dead, ladies and gentlemen, the crocodile hunter, Steve Erwin has died, and you saw it here, exclusively on news two!"
(The gator's body floats up and Steve jumps up out of the water)
TR: "Ladies and gentlemen, Steve is alive! He's alive! Contrary to what you heard a few seconds ago, he is in fact, alive and well. Let's go over and see if we can get a word with him.
(Steve walks up out of the water up to Todd holding the mic in his face.)
TR: "Steve, describe to the viewers what just happened."
SE: "Well Todd, people out here by the lakes were afraid to leave their homes because of this little guy. I took matters into my own hands and took him out. It's not all fun and games with the king crocs out there. Sometimes it's a matter of l-ife, and death, and this time I lived, that fella got the death sentence."
(He starts crying and walks off.)
TR: "No doubt, a very emotional day for Steve Erwin, the crocodile hunter. Sometimes he's called upon to save lives. Very emotional. But coming up in the next half hour of 2une In, How would you like to increase the size of your penis and get rid of that embarrassing foot odor at the same time? We'll show you how coming up in the next half of 2une In. Stay tuned."

Or something like that. It could happen. Just my .02, take it or leave it.

Goddamn Loch Ness Monster...

*Blog*

Good morning people....
I'd like to start today's edition of "Los Bloges" off a little different. Today, I'm gonna start the blog off with a prayer. I even named it -- the News Two Employee prayer. Here goes nothing...

"Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly, far, far away from here......" That's not it, wrong one. Here it goes:

"Dear God, help!!! I promise if you bless me with winning this weekend's lottery jackpot, or selling a screenplay, I will give large amounts of my winnings to the church, the children and the community. I swear on all that is sacred that I will help the homeless, build a youth center, and buy spinning rims for every school bus in East Baton Rouge Parish. Amen."

Just for the record, Niccy Whiteman has the whitest foot I have every seen on a human being. I swear, it looks like she tied a rope around her ankle to cut off the blood flow. Did you get bit by a snake?

PCDI Commercial just came on with this little black lady asking everyone the question, "What would you do with an extra $200,000 a year?" Well, after much pondering and debating, I came up with a list.

1. Monkey
2. A nice hat
3. A nice suit to match my hat (see number 2)
4. Some comfortable white socks
5. A big white couch

Security Guard Bob was very fascinated with the paper shredder this morning. Just thought I should mention that.

Todd Ross told me a very intriguing story of an "Obese" woman at the Walmart in Walker. Well apparently, this woman was in one of those little "hov-around" motorized chairs heading into the store from the parking lot when for some reason it just goes out. And what does this woman do after her motorized chair goes out? She just sits there -- while cars continue backing up behind her eventually, in Todd R's words, shutting down the whole Walmart. So what would you do if someone was blocking the driveway at Walmart? Same thing they did, you'd honk your horn and that's what allegedly went on for 3 to 4 minutes after this lady's chair went out on her. So what did she do? She looked back and threw her hands up as if to say, "What do you want me to do?". So while all of this was going on, Todd began to wonder if the lady was either lazy, or just physically unable to walk. But he didn't have to wonder too long, because this nice obese Walker woman, who'd sat in her broken down "hov-around" in one of the parking lot driveway's at Walmart, essentially shutting the store down, got up out of her chair, and pushed it into the store. So you're probably wondering what the moral of this story is? Well, it's simple, people in Walker are assholes.....

Some Serious Thoughts Hurricane Evacuees:

*Some* hurricane evacuees are complaining -- again. This time about their latest "Free" service being taken away. Yesterday the one's living at the trailer village up in Baker had their last "free" hot meal. Now I didn't know this, but since being put up in the trailers, these people have been getting three hot meals -- everyday, for free. Now, please do not take this the wrong way, as my heart does go out to any and everyone affected by the storm, but this is just ridiculous. I'm not talking about everyone, because there are people who are working to better their situation, some of them are old, and some are disabled, but a great majority are sitting on their asses. In two years after the storm, they'll be getting a free place to stay, $2k a month, free utilities, and free meals up until last night. Why in the hell are they complaining? What more do they want? As the saying goes, God only helps those who try to help themselves, and there are plenty of people living in these trailer communities sitting on their asses waiting for handouts when they could be down in N.O. helping to rebuild their city. We see them on TV complaining everyday about not being able to go home, but what are they doing to help speed up the process? I know they weren't prepared for all of this; no one was, but they can't expect it all to be done for them. Don't understand

Apparently, President Bush is in the news again. It looks like his old buddy Scooter Libby told prosecutors that old "Dubya" told him to leak parts of "Highly Classified" intelligence to a reporter to get the heat off himself and his Iraq policy. Well. Has their been one good story coming out of this man's administration over the last few years or the republican party for that matter? I swear, I haven't seen a group this shakey since the 2004 Kansas City Royals pitching staff.

(Toss to break)

***TRADE***TRADE***TRADE****
(sports ticker) "WBRZ and WAFB have ageed to a trade in principle. WBRZ will send Tony Jones and reporters to be named later to WAFB for Greg Meriwhether and cash"

(Back to the blog)

What in the hell happened to Bill Cosby? He's been very pissed off lately and I think it has something to do with the fact the we haven't been seeing any "Jell-ooo Pudding" commercials on T.V. Can someone look into this? Lets get some answers people.

According to experts, the Formosan Termite is the most destructive insect in Louisiana. You could have fooled me. I always thought the mosquito claimed that that title. Last time I check they were giving people West Nile left and right; got fools dropping like hot cakes. I think that report needs to be reevaluated. Michael Marsh, get me some damn answers.

South Park went too far for poor Isaac Hayes, when they made fun of his precious Scientology and it's founder, L. Ron Hubbard. And because of this, we'll no longer have "Chef" on "South Park", at least as we know him, but that's not the thing that bother's me the most. The thing that bother's me the most is the fact that we'll no longer hear from Chef's parents, Thomas and Nellie. So in honor of two of the funniest characters ever on the show (other than the Shitty-Wok guy), here you go:

Thomas: Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?
Stan: No, that's okay.
Thomas: Ooh, it must've been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of a sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the paleolithic era, comes out of the water.
Nellie: We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat and I said "Thomas, what on earth is that creature?!"
Thomas: It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes,
Nellie: Oh, it was so scary!
Thomas: -and I yelled. I said, "What do you want from us, monster?!" And the monster bent down and said, "…Uh I need about tree-fitty."
(silence)
Kyle: What's tree-fitty?
Thomas: Three dollars and fifty cents.
Nellie: Tree-fitty.
Stan: He wanted money?
Thomas: That's right. I said "I ain't giving you no tree-fitty you goddamn Loch Ness monster! Get your own goddamn money!"
Nellie: I gave him a dollar.
Thomas: She gave him a dollar.
Nellie: I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar.
Thomas: Well of course he's not gonna go away, Nellie! You gave him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more

Just my Tree Fitty, take it or leave it.

That's My Momma

*Blog*

Glad to see everyone enjoyed yesterday's Newsroom 2006 Draft. I wrote the first half of that about 2 months ago and was going through my computer yesterday and ran across it and decided to finish it. Got some good feedback and that's always good.

Okay, so I was sitting at my desk around 2 this morning when old Security Guard Bob walks in and we had this exchange:

SGB: "We got a vagrant living on the premises Terry."
TF: "Really?"
SGB: "Yeah ole' Pallas told us about it Yesterday. She says that someone noticed a cardboard box and a tent set up out by the Heli-pad, and she wanted us to check it out tonight."
TF:"Really?"
SGB: "Yep. So I'm gonna go down there and check it out. Before I go I'm gonna need your cell phone number, just in case. If you hear gun shots call the cops."
TF: "Really?"
(he left and came back at 3:30am)
SGB: "i'm on my way out there. Oh yeah, and if I ain't back by 4, you call the cops."
TF: "Okay."
(comes back about 30 minutes later)
SGB: "I'm back. Wasn't anything down there, just some kids playing around."

Needless to say, Ole' Security Guard Bob didn't have to fire off any warning shots. So I guess you can say all was well.

Random thoughts:

Why is it that it's okay for an attorney general to pose as a 14 year old girl or boy in a chat room, but it's illegal for everyone else? Every story we've ran about internet predators over the last year basically says the same thing, "A man attempting to pick up a 12, 13, 14, 15 year old girl in a chatroom, picked up a Federal Investigator instead". You have to think that some law is being broken somewhere. Or is it just me?

Reverend Bowman apparently didn't like his draft position yesterday. His ass called all night to complain.

I caught the John Brady interview at 6 yesterday -- brought to us live from tape machines X, Y, Z in master control. Two things I really liked:

1. How it looked like they shot it in the Bat Cave.
2. How they had Mike Kennon in as an extra. Mike, buddy I hope you got your 50 bucks.

Walking through Walmart with the Mrs. the other day perusing through DVD's and noticed that season 2 of "That's My Mamma" is out on DVD. And yes, your reaction is probably the same as ours, "That's a real show?". Yes it is. I'm not sure if that's the season featuring the "What's Going Down" episode with Mr. Randy Watson starring as Joe the policeman.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Sexual Chocolate!!!"

It's Official, Katie Couric is leaving the "Today Show" in June. She's headed to the anchor desk where she'll be the first female anchor to solo a major evening newscast. Now, why am I the only one that thinks everyone's making too big a deal out of this? Now I'm not knocking Katie at all, in fact, more power to her, but you'd think she was Veronica Corningstone knocking off Ron Burgundy or something. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Good to see Lindsey is still keeping up with "Los Bloges". Sup Linds? How's Big D?

Heard through the grapevine that our emails are being monitored -- again. This leads me to ask the question -- Why? Have we found out someone working here has ties to terrorists networks? Did the Balco investigation lead investigators here? I mean seriously, the things we waste our time on will never cease to amaze me. I feel like we're working for the damn K-G-B.

Todd's and I baseball conversations are beginning to get more and more heated by the day. I think something may happen. Now were not at Tito Ortiz and Ken Shamrock proportions just yet, but he can expect a Matthew-esque note from me on his desk very soon.

Thoughts on a News Story:

So I come in the other day and go through my whole routine of searching all the newscasts from the previous day, pathfire, and wires for stories to fill 2une In and ran across a pedestrian struck story in the 10. So I popped it open and started reading it and came across some questionable wording -- okay, let me get to the point, it was a "porno line". See if you can find it.

"A man is in the hospital tonight, after he was hit by a police car. Police tell us 44-year-old albert elmer was hit while he was trying to run across airline highway near prescott. Police say officer david kennedy was northbound on airline... police say he attempted to avoid hitting elmer... about a dozen units raced on scene. Elmer moaned as paramedics got ready to put him on a stretcher. no other word on his injuries. Officer kennedy wasn't injured... no word yet on whether Kennedy will face any charges."

Okay did you find it? If you didn't, here it is: "Elmer moaned as paramedics got ready to put him on the stretcher." Okay, he moaned? And what did he say when they got him loaded up, "It hurt so good?". I know I couldn't have been the only person who caught that line. Oh well.

Apparently News Two's Michael Marsh is still getting me answers. Well Marsh, that information would have been very useful about 8 years ago when my ass was struggling through the ACT. No, I wasn't one of the korean kids consistently banging out 36s. Nope, I was just a regular inner-city youth -- looking for answers. But since you weren't there for me then to help me, "Get Answers", I have some questions right now that you can maybe answer. And here they are:

1. How much longer will the girls be going wild?
1.b.What will they do after they've all calmed down?
1.c. Will they ever calm down?
1.d. What made them so wild in the first place?
2. Why do people in wheel chairs have dirty shoes? (straight to hell I know, but I'm so serious)
3. Why did Fred Sanford have junk inside his house too?
4. If Willie Nagin is mayor of the "Chocolate City", does that make all the people living in N.O. Umpa-loompas?

I was sitting around thinking of ways to increase our station's popularity, and I came up an idea. we should come out with a CD, and when I say we, I mean the whole station. Channel 2 R&B. I'll produce it and have current employees sing the songs. Here are a few titles I came up with.

1. "(Um-bum-pa-pa, Um-bum-pa-pa) Baby, Don't Forget My Super" Feat. Milli Vanilli....well..Milli at least
2. "Just My Animation"
3. "Where is the Bug? (You said you'd build for me?)"
4. "Books Like This I Wish, That Ratings Don't Fall" Feat. The Five Heartbeats
5. "That's the Way, (Uh, huh, Uh, huh) I Timed It"
6. "That's Why I'm Easy Like Sunday Journal" feat. Lionel Richie
7. "Could It Be I'm Fallin' Asleep?"
8. "I'm Sending Him A 4-Page Email"
9. "Looks Like Another Love SOT-VO" Feat. Teddy Pendergrass
10 "Don't Let Your Children Grow Up To Photogs"
11. "What Makes The Bug Go Round" Feat. Al Green
12. "I'm All Timed Out (Over You)" Feat. Lisa Lisa
13. "Produc-tion" Feat. Usher
14. "I'm On The Outside Lookin' In(Of the tournament)" Feat. Eightball and MJG

Just My .02, take it or leave it.

Newsroom Draft

*Blog*

A few of you have asked me about the name of "Los Bloges" -- "Wellknownsecrets", and well, a well known secret is sometihing that everyone knows about, but nobody talks about. And coincidentally, we have one here at work which is the grand canyon of a gap in the ratings between us and AFB. And to be honest, I'm sure I can speak for everyone else in saying that I don't see the gap closing all at once anytime soon. So while sitting at my desk, I had my daily M-O-C, and came up with an idea, similar to "Madden" when you put it in franchise mode. Why don't we break up the rosters of both stations, put everyone in a pool and have a draft? We can put all of the stations names in one of those little "lottery tumblers" so we can choose the draft order. Now for an event such as this, we'll need three very qualified hosts -- Ernie Johnson, Hubie Brown, and Charles Barkley. So in honor of today's WNBA draft, here goes nothing.....

The News Room Draft

(Roll Open and TNT NBA music)

EJ: "Welcome to the Baton Rouge River Center for the 2006 Newsroom draft. Joining me tonight are my fellow analysts Hubie Brown, and Charles Barkley. So guys, tell us a little about what we can expect tonight."
HB: "Well gentlemen, it's a three station city, but over the last decade, one station in particular, WAFB has ruled the ratings across the board. So in a effort to make things more competitive, the powers that be came up with this idea -- break up the rosters and give every station a fair chance this year."
CB: "Hubie, this is a stupid idea, but TNT's paying me to be here so I'm just gonna make the best of it."
EJ: "Well opinions aside guys, they want to make the media in this city competitive again, and it's time for us to get started. WBRZ got lucky in the lottery, as they have the first pick tonight."
(NBA Commissioner David Stern walks to the podium)
DS: "With the first pick in the 2006 Newsroom Draft, WBRZ selects George Sells...."
EJ: "Well this pick was expected people, but you gotta question WBRZ's motives."
HB: "Yes Ernie. The purpose of this draft as well as any other draft is to build for the future, and this just wasn't a smart decision on BRZ's part. Sure Sells is a proven anchor, hard hitting, always on his game, but he's old and at most they'll probably get 3, maybe 4 more years out of him."
CB: "Ernie, George Sells is 237 years old. "
EJ: "BRZ's GM must have something up his sleeve for this year. But in their defense, he was the best available. Here's the commissioner coming back up to the podium for WVLA's pick."
DS: "With the second pick, in the 2006 Newsroom Draft, WVLA selects Scott Satchfield."
(crowd boos)
EJ: "Wow. This Baton Rouge crowd is not happy with that pick at all. What do you guys think of VLA's strategy?"
CB: "Ernie, and Hubie, I think I speak for everyone when I say that this was just a stupid pick. They must have idiots in charge at that place. You have the second pick in a draft that could immediately put your station on the map and you take a reporter? Just stupid guys."
HB: "Guys let's not chastise WVLA just yet for this pick, Satchfield is young, but this kid has incredible upside..."
CB: "Yeah someone needs to go upside the GM's head for that pick."
EJ: "I apologize to the folks at home, Chuck's a little emotional tonight."
CB: "You damn right..."
EJ: "Let's get back to business. Here comes the commissioner."
DS: "With the third pick, in the 2006 Newsroom Draft, WAFB selects Donna Britt."
CB: "SHAKE AND BAKE E.J.!! SHAKE AND BAKE!!"
EJ: "A very familiar face to WAFB. Britt's known her profuse chair bouncing while anchoring guys, hence the name "shake and bake."
HB: "Now this is a good pick. Britt's proven, and she's got a lot of years ahead of her. She's also a familiar face to WAFB so they won't have to get her acquainted to their philosophy."
EJ: "I agree, very solid pick. Here comes commissioner Stern with BRZ's second pick"
DS: "With the fourth pick in the 1st round of the 2006 Newsroom Draft, WBRZ selects Jeanne Burns."
HB: "Younger, well liked anchor to sit at the desk with Sells guys."
EJ: "But won't that be a little awkward guys?"
CB: "You think? Just a dumb. Who wants to see these two on the set together at the same time?"
EJ: "And her last go-around with that place didn't end too well. We'll have to wait and see. Here comes commissioner Stern"
DS: "With the fifth pick in the 2006 News Room Draft, WVLA selects Todd Ross"
(crowd boos)
CB: "Ernie, the crowd ain't happy with this pick."
HB: "Guys, the crowd needs to calm down and realize WVLA is planning for the future. They should be fine."
EJ: "We'll just have to wait and see how this all pans out. But let's take a quick break, and we'll be back with more from the 2006 Newsroom draft.

*Break*
(draft Update) RD - 1 Pick 1. WBRZ - George Sells ANC *** 2. WVLA - Scott Satchfield RPT *** 3. WAFB - Donna Britt ANC *** 4. WBRZ - Jeanne Burns *** 5. WVLA - Todd Ross ANC/RPT *** 6. WAFB - Paul Gates ANC/RPT *** 7. WBRZ - Avery Davidson RPT *** 8. WVLA - Kellee Hennessy ANC/RPT *** 9. WAFB - Veronica Mosgrove RPT *** RD 2 Pick 1. WBRZ - Pat Shinglelton WX *** 2. WVLA - Julie Baxter ANC/RPT *** 3. WAFB Rev. Bowman AC (annoying caller) *** 4. WBRZ - Andrea Clesi - ANC *** 5. WVLA - Pat Simon ANC *** 6. WAFB - Michael Marsh - ANC *** RD 3 Pick 1. WBRZ - Phil Rainer HLT RPT *** 2. WVLA - Allen Tumey FT RPT *** 3. WAFB - Chelby Kosto RPT/WX/ANC *** 4. WBRZ - Whitney Vann ANC *** 5. WVLA - Chris Stevens WX *** 6.WAFB - Jay Grimes WX *** 7. WBRZ - Sylvia Weatherspoon HLT RPT *** 8. WVLA - John Pastorek ANC/FT RPT *** 9. WAFB - Matt Williams RPT

(Roll Open and TNT NBA music)

(Day 2)
EJ: "Welcome to the second day of the 2006 News room draft. This is the day where the three News Agencies go for those people behind the scenes -- the producers, directors, photographers -- the backbone of a successful newscast. Now these picks won't be televised as all of these positions were filled this morning. Joining me once again are my fellow analysts Chuck and Hubie."
CB: "I'm glad this is the last day"
EJ: "Guys yesterday was anything but boring as all three stations made some questionable picks."
CB: "Questionable? Plaids and Stripes are questionable Ernie, taking Scott Satchfield second in the draft is just stupid. Is anyone in charge at that place. My kid coulda made a better pick than that. Talk about being taken too high. If I were running any of these places he'd still be sitting in the green room!"
HB: "Come guys, let's not come down on anyone about their picks. All three news stations have special needs and those that don't have specific visions and they chose the people who they thought could best help them fulfill their needs."
EJ: "Now another exciting aspect of day two of the draft are all the trades. Reporters for anchors, anchors for reporters, people for equipment; don't be surprised at anything you see happening today.
HB: "But not to be forgotten, there are plenty of people that didn't go on the first day who are still available guys."
EJ: "That's right, we have Diane Deaton, Matt Clough, Marie Santani, Andy Pepper, Cindy Ngyuen, Michael Cauble, Steve Schneider, Jacques Doucet, Claire Hatty, and Greg "Streetbeat" Meriwhether still available...."
CB: "The crappy reporter Ernie? No, he's still waiting just like he should be. His ass is in the green room where he belongs."
EJ: "He wasn't too happy following yesterday's rounds. He could be heard yelling at his agent just before things wrapped up."

***TRADE***TRADE***TRADE***TRADE***

EJ: "Guys I'm getting word of a trade. Yes, it looks like WBRZ and WAFB have agreed to a trade, it looks like Newroom Assistant Claire Cummings will be headed to WAFB for 5 note pads and a case of "Post-it" notes.
CB: "Trade for what you need Ernie, go for what you need..."
HB: "WBRZ was hurtin' for post-it's guys, they'd begun leaving notes for each other on mouse pads. It was terrible."
EJ: "We were speaking earlier about all the people left on the board. Hubie, what are you thoughts?"
HB: "Guys, I don't think that any of these anchors and reporters have anything to worry about, they'll all more than likely get picked up in free agency..."
CB: "Everyone except Feri-whether."

***TRADE***TRADE***TRADE***TRADE***

EJ: "Settle down Charles, we have another trade to let everyone know about. Chuck Bark has been a busy man over at WBRZ this morning guys. I've received word that he's traded his entire group of night-side photographers, a live truck, and Ashley Rodrigue for a new graphics machine."
HB: "I don't know about this trade guys, I hope he knows what he's doing."
CB: "That's it for me. I'm leavin'"

Me too Charles, me too. Just my .02, take it or leave it.

Real Men of Genius

*Blog*

It's been about two months since my last post, I know, I know, but there's been plenty going on. Well, I wouldn't go as far as to say "plenty", i've been sleepy and hadn't felt like posting. It's as simple of that, but seeing as though I have a lot to say, and Rasha threatened my mother's life, and "kick" with it at 4, I figured it was time to post something.

Apparently 2une In is running "too much" news. Que? I guess "the powers that be" are going to try and incorporate "The Grand Prize Game" into to the show, complete with 10 numbered buckets and some Archway cookies. But if we're gonna do this, lets go all the way with this guys. Let's move Nussbaum to the desk with Todd and Whit, and bring in "Cookie" to do weather. After weather we can have him toss to "Thun-darr", "Captain Caveman", and "Turbo Teen". Let's do away with the 2une In set altogether and put a little platform with a spotlight shining on it and have a monkey with some symbols come out "psssshhhh!!!" us to break. While we're at it, why don't we just stick poor Veronica on permanent "FEMA Trailer" beat. I wonder why I try.

Rasha's Blog:

"What if god was one of us? Does the 4 like one of us? Just a stranger on a bus...."

Actual control room comment from Jared:

"We need an airline hostess coming through the control room pushing a cart"
"Pretzels!! Hot Towels!! Danish?"

In honor of the NCAA tournament, someone at work coined a phrase that I feel should be worked into all of our promos beginning next year:

"MARSH MADNESS!!" "MARSH MADNESS!!" "MARSH MADNESS!!"

But seriously, the Florida Gators brought home a title last night, as if anyone cares. They beat UCLA team into the ground, that beat an LSU team into the ground a few days ago. But to be honest though, the LSU players looked as if they stayed out all night taking in some of that popular INDY night life. Probably hitting up strip clubs until the "wee hours of the morning"

"Hey lil' mama, you know they call me "Big Baby" but I ain't no baby if you know what I mean..."

Anyway, whatever the case, UCLA was just a little quicker and jumped a lot higher, or was just better. We'll see next year. That's if everyone comes back.

Lots of new faces in the news room. It seems like the boss has been hitting up the employee assembly line on the regular lately. I swear, the cast from SNL hasn't changed as much as the faces in that damn news room.

Haven't picked on Ashley R. in a while. What's up Ash? Haven't talked to you in a while. If it weren't for the fact your name is in the "login" box on my computer, the fact that you leave me stories, and all the messages for you on my phone, I wouldn't even know you still worked here.

I went out and picked up a copy of King Kong last week. Was it good? Yeah, it was okay. Was it long? Too damn. Now don't get me wrong, Kong was an extremely well done movie, but someone should have told Peter Jackson, that every just because all three LOTR's were three hours or so, every movie he does, doesn't have to be that long. Kong should have been 1:45, maybe 2hours at the most. I mean, there were parts of that movie that just did not belong and we could have honestly done without. For example, we got to watch Naomi Watts juggle for about five minutes while a very intrigued Kong watched in amazement. Yeah that was a scene we really needed. I swear at one point I thought I saw Smeagol.

I was recently informed that there's been entirely too much "foul language" over the headsets. Damn, that's f*cked up. You know we don't mean nothing by that sh*t. Muthaf*ckas just be playing and sh*t. Bullsh*ttin' to make the time pass. Don't worry, that shit won't happen again. Shit.

Talking in the news room with Weather Dave the other day, and came up with an idea for a song. Here goes nothing....

"Mr. Terry The 2une In Producer"

"Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius...."
(Real Men of Genius!!)
"Today we salute you, Mr. Terry The 2une In Producer"
(Mr. Terry the 2une In pro-duca...)
"People wonder how you do it, day in, and day out"
(Bringing viewers news, traffic, and weather!!)
"Without your undying commitment to the show, traffic and weather on the 2's, would hit on the 4's, instead of the 3's"
(We missed the 2's again....ooohhh!!!)
"You tell them to wrap, but instead, the anchors talk for 1 more minute."
(Ignoring time cues!!)
"But like a brave little soldier, you always get 2une In out on time."
(Keep on timin'!!!)
"So master of the control room, you crack open that ice cold Bud Light, because this Bud's for you, because if you don't produce 2une In, the anchors would still be talkin' "
(Is there anybody out there?)

Or something along those lines. Just my .02, take it or leave it....two months later.