The Killer Sushi and a Guy Name Nolan....

*Blog*

We had the guy on from "Tsunami's" yesterday as our Chef of the Month on 2une In. He did fairly well I'd say. He came on and made some sushi that led me to believe that some people don't eat at home, but that's a blog for another day. But anyway, I never had sushi before, I've been around people eating it, but I never cared to try it. So yesterday, I was like, hey, what the hell, and I asked Dawn W. to bring me a couple of different ones so I could try it to see if I liked it. So she did, and I did, and later it did. Now, I'm sure none of you know that I have a small allergic reaction to "shellfish" -- uncooked shellfish that is. It's crazy, because I can eat them cooked with no problem, but if I touch them (crabs, shrimp, etc.) raw, it's over for me. Anyway, I was to understand that the sushi yesterday contained nothing raw, but to my surprise, some of the crabmeat was a little under-cooked, because halfway home yesterday morning, my throat closed up. Yeap, had an allergic reaction to Tung Po's sushi. And to add insult to injury, the mrs had a hard time getting her inspection sticker yesterday and called me fussing about it. So, while my girlfriend was venting about an updated insurance card, i was seeing spots, drifting across the center line on Harding boulevard and trying to remember the number to Hospice. So with my first sushi experience nearly being my last experience, I think it's safe to say that no one should ever offer me sushi again.

But if my reaction had been worse, I would have had to go to the hospital, and everyone working at "Tha Deuce", knows about our "Skid Row Insurance" plan, and knows that going to the hospital would not be in my best financial interests. Has anyone at this place ever been in the hospital? I know I haven't because something tells me it would be a lot cheaper to die. Just throw dirt on me. Speaking of which....

Some people at work were picking on Carisma the other day for making me watch "Sex and the City", which should be called, "Girl Who Looks Like Foot, Hangs With Slut, Lesbian and Airhead and the City". But to be honest, the show's not that bad, but if I had the option, I'd much rather sit in the mezzanine at the Ford's Theatre on Good Friday and watch "Our American Cousin" or at least the first half of it. And what's so bad is, only like 5 people will actually get the last thing I said.

Something I've noticed. I think we can all agree that Bob Kennon is not a very large man. So why is it that he always refers to himself as "The Desk"?

- "Why wasn't the desk notified?"
- "Make sure you tell the desk."
- "How can everyone know if the desk isn't notified?"

Let's start referring to "The Desk" as "Bob" from now on, and let's stop referring to Patrick as "News Crew". Thanks.

If we act now, we can get Girls Gone Wild "Coed Tryouts" absolutely free. No, seriously.

Okay, Chris Stevens looks like "Elwood Blues". Sue me.

Actual Control room conversation:

Jordan: "That's a stupid word that doesn't mean anything at all."
Tom W: "What word?"
Jordan: "Socialite"
Tom W: "No, that's the second dumbest word. Do you know what the first dumbest word is?"
Jordan: "What?"
Tom W: "Debutante. That word only means something to two people -- Mommie and Daddy"
Terry F: "But Tom, they're introducing their children into society...."
Tom W: "Why don't they just kick them out. What better way is there than that to introduce them to society?"

Now on to a very disturbing story. Yesterday, we had a little lady on talking about an art contest for evacuee children. The children with the best drawings will have their works compiled into a calendar. Good self-esteem builder I'd say. But on the other she mentioned something to Whitney about an inspirational book that she'd written as well. So Todd R. was like, "Hum, how bad could it be?" That is until he randomly picked up the book and turned to this:

Random Passage #1:

"Their spirits were so intertwined. They were each others destiny. It was as though God was giving Nolan his life back - Destiny to love and Chandon's killer - quid pro quo?. Nolan started kissing her forehead and worked his way down to her ankles and back up to her jewels. Destiny moaned with ecstasy. After a few minutes, she told Nolan to stop and change positions. "Nolan, I want to please you also. Let's do 69," said Destiny. The position 69 is when both partners can enjoy oral stimulation together. She lay with her face on his jewels and his mouth on hers. They both screamed in pleasure for the next ten minutes. Nolan then turned Destiny over and kissed her breasts and inserted his ten inches of steel into her hot, juicy vagina, and they they both entered another world of pleasure for thirty minutes of joy."

And not to be outdone....

Random Passage #2:

"After the shower, they drank a glass of champagne. He then carried her to bed. Nolan took her gown off - slow and easy. He was touching her every spot, especially her G-spot. Destiny was sighing and screaming at the same time. Nolan then began to caress her buttocks. He took his robe off and she began to kiss his supple nipples. She moved her hand down into his private are and then began to rub his balls. She worked her right hand up his penis, which was hard as a bullet and at full attention. It was like a symphony. When she came for the third time, she screamed "Daddy, this is so good!"

Basically, 250 pages of porn. Are these the answers you were looking for Chuck? Now, I know that our little thing, is the whole "Getting Answers" deal, but does the public really want to know about Nolan, who just happens to be my hero now, and his...um..."jewels"? When TRoss came in this morning, he was like, "I have something for you to read.", but little did I know, I'd be getting a detailed description of "The Octagon", "James Wesfall", and "Dr. Kenneth Noisewater." Yeah we know she came on to talk about the contest, but in her book she decided to talk about Ole' Nolan coming on something else...

*To read more, please see Todd Ross where he will be charging $9.95 a page.*

Just my .02, take it or leave it.